Wednesday, September 8, 2010


no ones listening.
which seems like it will be this way forever.
im tired of being lonely
im tired of being depressed
i cant live like this anymore.

Monday, May 10, 2010


so, this whole time, not meaning a short period of a year
im meaning my whole life.
i never really understood why i wasnt so understanding of alot.
not meaning cryptic things, but normal things like what people say and write.

mum had been talking to me about it, and i think i can confirm it now.
she says i have auditory processing syndrome.
its where its hard for me to process/understand things being said or written
i didnt believe her at first, but since ive got this job, it seems to make sense.
no, it doesnt mean im retarded. if anybodys reading, just search it on google.

it kind of makes me scared, it had been affecting me my whole life.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

country ladle

its all in my head,
if you want, you can look inside
theres nothing but red
and all the mess ive been
its in the the way,
i say what i dont mean and mean what i dont.
i need to speak of you.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

213 words

everbody seems so rushed lately.
people set themselves goals.
the more aspiring actually attempt to achieve these goals.
and in that sense, have a sense of bliss upon achieving them
whatever they may be

Myself, on the other hand
i have no goals, no aspirations.
allthough i feel like im going nowhere in life.
i wouldnt give it up, for i feel like im carefree.

allthough its getting harder now.
schooling is pushing me to push myself
and the reality of reality is bearing down on me.
but i still feel like i dont need any of it.

i feel sorry for the people who are always "looking" for something.
i guess its only human for someone to always seek for something.
but allthough i try to escape from reality
i know enough about reality too understand, that we are all human.
our mistakes, our thoughts, especially our feelings.
feelings, for example, love.

people are overun by this.
it changes people in every single way possible.
their prioties, decisions, the will to live.

i know enough about love to not be afraid of it.
but i still run away from it. ive grown cynical of it.
i guess ive grown tired of the typical teenage routine of it.

but we are all human.

face first

sunrise. sunset.
burn away the detriment.

Friday, April 16, 2010


all my friends drowning at sea, everyone except for you and me
and they'll at the bottom, with anchors tied to their feet
with all that love their hearts will sink, and theyll be at the bottom.=
i think ill take the long way home, i suggest i sit up straight, i suggest i straighten up and get out.
you know i wont mind, if the curtain falls over you
no i wont mind, if the curtain falls over me too.

Monday, April 12, 2010

shitty days in portland

im sick of loneliness.
but i know i cant cope with the stress of a partner
im way too lethargic
i wish i was not so difficult to maintain.

depression seeps its way in, again.

Sunday, April 11, 2010


we are all tied to insecurity.
seeking for an escape only to that insecurity.
if we didnt have insecurity, then there would be no means of misery

it sure as hell aint normal but we deal.

Monday, April 5, 2010

we dont sell to minors"

how do kids even know what to write about anymore.
we think we're living our lives as adults live theres.
we absolutely beleive that we should be trusted
in that sense as, being trusted with strangers, parties,
underage drinking, the time we're told to be home,
we think we're smart.
our own little bullshit stories we make up 5 minutes before we walk in the door to our worried mother.
blaming the can of alcohol and cigarretes on our older siblings.
we try to grow up so fast.
where adulthood is a drug, and is made legal to 18 years and over for a reason.
once we grab a taste of this, nobody can stop it.

it is a disease which ruins young ones hearts
sends them into a deep whole of greed, hatred, and then depression.

we think we're ready.
we try to grab hold of as many aspects as possible.
but we are only ever fooling ourselves


through my adolescence, ive realised, everything is so "on and off"
ive caught myself sticking to one thing, for about 2-3 days.
then completely disbanding it and going onto something else.
much like a miniature phase.

i hate growing up
id litterally give up whats left of my childhood to be at least over the legal age of 18 years old. At least then id have the right to do as i please.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


its hard to differentiate, if things are going uphill, or down downhill.
maybe they are simultaneous.
i guess you cant have the good without the bad.
or perhaps the good is the bad.
only a knowlegdable human would know.
but that'd only be a minor statistic

Thursday, February 25, 2010

can we last through the winter

the water's starting to freeze
the only one who remembers
taking the wrong step falling in front of me
this body's already aging
these nights are already long
and if I last through the winter I swear to you now, I wont call

Thursday, February 18, 2010

and so,

to the point of pointing a water pistol to my head
and yelling BAM! as i pull the trigger

i wish i had that much spare time hahaha.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

id kill to live an easy life
away from almost everything.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Skies full of greys, slept through it all until the first sign of light lit up the whole room.
Skies full of grace, slept through it all until the first sign of light lit up the whole room.
Leave this room to leave room for you now, leaving this all behind.
Oh like all the elephants in this world I cannot forget you,
Open window, staring deep into the sky, so come hear the wind blow, way down below and way up high.
Leave this room to leave room for you now, leaving this all behind.
It's a long way for me to leave you, I think you should stay.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010


what is it now, 11:34pm?
i have a mad headache, and my eyes feel like their bulging out of their sockets.
im so over school, just the whole effort.
everyday, since it started, im waking up more fatiqued and sore then the day before.
i cant wait until its over, id prefer to join the workforce anyday.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

if a tree falls while nobody's around, does it make a sound?

i find it strange.
something, id called major, starts and also ends, while nobody is figuratively watching. during the holidays

and when the time comes, we start school, it is almost like it never happened
yet we know it has, everybody knows about it, but not talked about.

i hate being the new kid at a school. especially with history.
i get stared at like im wearing shit stained undies on the outside of my pants.
kinda makes me feel like theres alot of secrets going around.
bloody gossip.