mm

no ones listening.
which seems like it will be this way forever.
im tired of being lonely
im tired of being depressed
i cant live like this anymore.

and

so, this whole time, not meaning a short period of a year
im meaning my whole life.
i never really understood why i wasnt so understanding of alot.
not meaning cryptic things, but normal things like what people say and write.

mum had been talking to me about it, and i think i can confirm it now.
she says i have auditory processing syndrome.
its where its hard for me to process/understand things being said or written
i didnt believe her at first, but since ive got this job, it seems to make sense.
no, it doesnt mean im retarded. if anybodys reading, just search it on google.

it kind of makes me scared, it had been affecting me my whole life.

country ladle

its all in my head,
if you want, you can look inside
theres nothing but red
and all the mess ive been
its in the the way,
i say what i dont mean and mean what i dont.
i need to speak of you.

213 words

everbody seems so rushed lately.
people set themselves goals.
the more aspiring actually attempt to achieve these goals.
and in that sense, have a sense of bliss upon achieving them
whatever they may be

Myself, on the other hand
i have no goals, no aspirations.
allthough i feel like im going nowhere in life.
i wouldnt give it up, for i feel like im carefree.

allthough its getting harder now.
schooling is pushing me to push myself
and the reality of reality is bearing down on me.
but i still feel like i dont need any of it.

i feel sorry for the people who are always "looking" for something.
i guess its only human for someone to always seek for something.
but allthough i try to escape from reality
i know enough about reality too understand, that we are all human.
our mistakes, our thoughts, especially our feelings.
feelings, for example, love.

people are overun by this.
it changes people in every single way possible.
their prioties, decisions, the will to live.

i know enough about love to not be afraid of it.
but i still run away from it. ive grown cynical of it.
i guess ive grown tired of the typical teenage routine of it.

but we are all human.

face first

sunrise. sunset.
burn away the detriment.

solemn

all my friends drowning at sea, everyone except for you and me
and they'll at the bottom, with anchors tied to their feet
with all that love their hearts will sink, and theyll be at the bottom.=
i think ill take the long way home, i suggest i sit up straight, i suggest i straighten up and get out.
you know i wont mind, if the curtain falls over you
no i wont mind, if the curtain falls over me too.

shitty days in portland

mmm
im sick of loneliness.
but i know i cant cope with the stress of a partner
im way too lethargic
i wish i was not so difficult to maintain.

depression seeps its way in, again.